Who would have thought an idea that took root in my garage would turn into such an unexpected journey into the psyche of American attitudes towards the loss of virginity?
It all started when my daughter made a simple remark: Wouldn’t it be interesting to see a documentary about how people lost their virginity? I thought about it for a moment, then countered: I think it would be better as a book. My reason was pretty straightforward. I didn’t think someone sitting in front of a camera would tell the truth, or at least the entire truth. The more I thought about it, the more exciting her idea became and I told her if she didn’t write it, then I would. In the end, we wound up collaborating on the project.
The Virgin Diaries is a compilation of seventy-two stories from men women across the country. The accounts are evenly divided by gender and the respondents range in age from twenty to seventy-seven. Six stories from gay individuals are included and they are also divided evenly according to gender.
Initially we expected to market the book to teens and further consideration led us to think that parents of teens and preteens would be a prime demographic as well, perhaps even more than their children. After all, our book is a Print On Demand, so it isn’t available off the shelf in bookstores, rather it has to be ordered, either online or at a store. Since not many teens have access to credit cards, it’s a difficult purchase to make. But surely, parents would be interested in providing necessary information to their children regarding sex, particularly in light of the fact that sex is all around us in today’s society. Secure in the knowledge that we were about to help parents everywhere educate their kids about what it’s really like to lose one’s virginity, we went in search of radio interviews, we launched a web page, created a Facebook Page, got a local bookstore chain to carry our book, set up signing events and reserved a booth at the local county book festival.
At this point I have to tell you that sitting at a table behind a stack of books with the word VIRGIN emblazoned on the cover is an illuminating experience. It certainly sharpened my learning curve. We learned that 1) teenagers avoided us 2) parents actually cut a wide swath as soon as they saw the title of the book 3) preteens weren’t embarrassed about showing interest, but only when their parents weren’t in the vicinity and 4) most surprising of all, Baby Boomers love the book.
I think the reason teens avoided us is simple. They don’t want to appear to be interested because they’re – well, they’re teenagers and teenagers like to project that they know everything. Or they may be embarrassed to act interested in front of an adult. Parents, on the other hand, really surprised us but on further consideration, I think perhaps they’re too close to the situation. After all, it’s their sons or daughters – particularly their daughters – and parents don’t want to think of their child as on the cusp of becoming a sexual being. It was almost comical at times, seeing the panicked look that crossed their faces and watching them do everything other than slap a blindfold on the kids they were with. As for the preteens, there is one boy in particular who stands out. He was about eleven and he noticed our booth at the book fair. An almost glazed look came over his face and he seemed drawn to our booth, where he picked up the book and held it in his hands, literally cradled it. He was maybe three or four feet away from us but to him we didn’t exist. His entire attention was on that book and it was obvious he wanted it so badly. Then his mother called to him and it was if he’d been struck by lightning. He hastily put the book down and walked away, his head down, disappointment trailing behind him. My daughter wanted so much to grab a copy, run after him and give it to him for free but, of course, we couldn’t do that for a variety of reasons. Our biggest surprise was that Baby Boomers would almost always stop to talk to us about the book and on several occasions purchased one or more copies for their grandchildren. I think it’s because they have less fear of the subject, maybe because they don’t have to live in the same house as the teen or preteen and be subject to the questions that might follow. Being a Boomer myself, I choose to believe that my generation just has a bit more common sense when it comes to teens and sex.
One other surprise has been the number of men who like the book. In fact, if you take a look at the reviews on Amazon.com and our web page, you’ll see that most of the reviews are written by men.
I don’t want to give the impression that all parents avoided us like the plague. We’ve had great feedback from people all over the country who have given the book to their kids to read. We’ve even used some of their comments on our web page. One of my favorites is: It’s a book about sex that isn’t about sex at all. One woman who is the mother of five told us that her fourteen-year-old son, who isn’t usually a reader, became engrossed in the book and read it cover to cover. Her eleven-year-old daughter read it as well and was shocked to find that a girl of twelve had lost her virginity. That opened a dialogue between mother and daughter that would never have taken place if it hadn’t been for that particular story. Parents who have given the book to their kids have all reported that it has been a positive experience in a variety of ways. Like so many people in the book, they tell us they wish they’d had a book like this when they were young and wondering what it was all about.
To those terrified parents out there, I say this: You make sure your child is prepared for the SATs. You make certain they take Driver’s Education classes. You want the best for your children. You’d like them to remain abstinent until marriage but you also know that isn’t always a realistic goal. This book isn’t anti-abstinence. It is pro-information and in today’s world of sex on TV, on the Internet, on magazine covers at the grocery store, in music lyrics, our children are exposed to sexual messages on a daily basis. It’s the rare parent who feels comfortable sitting down to have “the talk” but it’s a talk that should be had. The Virgin Diaries is a great way to begin that talk because you don’t have to say a word. Just leave the book there for your son or daughter to pick up and read. They will read it because they are interested. You’ll be surprised how easy the conversation that follows will be. And if you think your child isn’t interested in sex, take a moment to remember how you were at that age.
To all you grandparents out there, Christmas is just around the corner!
I'm just saying...
To learn more about The Virgin Diaries and read two of the stories, visit our web site.
http://arkstories.com/thevirgindiaries.html
http://arkstories.com/thevirgindiaries.html
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Statistics on teen pregnancy:
Teen attitudes towards sex:
Teen sex, STDs and HIV statistics:
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